Reason Enough for Dismissal?

Throughout the ages, the church has never ceased to have theological debates. There is no time in history where any group has been able to agree on every issue. That's nothing new. But what I'm amazed at lately as I read articles from various Christian groups/churches and hear things that Christians say is that in this day and age there seems to be this widespread acceptance that there are some issues that warrant completely cutting ties with others.

Don't get me wrong. That in and of itself isn't new. Many Christian denominations have engaged in such practices of shunning or excommunicating throughout the years. I guess I've just been trying to understand such a practice more in light of the Gospel of Christ. And the more I try, the less sense it makes to me.

My biggest sticking point it this: How does one determine exactly what issue is enough to completely cut someone off from your church and possibly turn them away from God all together? What issue is enough? Sexual immorality? Homosexuality? Liberalism?

For the record, those specific issues are all ones that I know of being used as a reason for kicking someone out of a Christian school or church. Does this make sense? Can we sustain the teaching of a gospel of grace when we fall so heavily on the call to repent and so lightly on the concept of forgiveness?

Yet, even if you believe that these are enough to exclude someone, why these issues? Why not issues of pride, greed, lying, or desires for fame and power? All those are issues that can (and have) greatly corrupt(ed) the church.

In end, in a world that is so divisive, judgemental, and exclusive, I would hope that the church could find a way to establish itself as a place of unity, acceptance, and inclusiveness. Yet that is far from our reputation. There's something wrong with that.

Bitterness?

I am a follower and a fan of Stuff Christian Culture Likes. Stephanie, the blog's author, often shares excerpts from emails she receives on the blog's facebook page. Sometimes they are complimentary. Sometimes they remind me why her blog exists in the first place. This week she shared one in which the writer said "The best general message of your blog: you can heal." Needless to say, a lot of the regular readers heartily agreed. But in the midst of the affirmation, there was a lone dissenting voice who claimed that such as statement has an "echo of bitterness and resentment."

If you have left a church or Christian group or ever questioned one in any way, I'd be willing to bet that you have been told "You're just bitter." I think that the thing that breaks my heart even more than the number of people who have been hurt by the church is how callously the perpetrators of such pain respond when the victims have the courage to call them on it. SCCL previously addressed the matter here.

The irony is that when you live in Christian Culture, they tell you constantly about the need to be honest, confess your sin, and to seek forgiveness and the resolution your problems with others. I guess they just don't think that applies to themselves. I was at a church service a few years ago where the pastor asked people to form small groups with those around them and discuss the question "Why do you think some people feel so hurt by the church?" It was one of the first times I had visited this particular church. It was during the time that I was debating my decision to move on from American Evangelical Culture and hearing that gave me hope that there were churches out there that got it. They understood. My hope was quickly crushed as those around me gave their answers to the question. A women boldly proclaimed "Nobody is perfect except Jesus. I think too many people expect us to be perfect and that's just unrealistic." The rest of the people nodded in agreement and provided answers that were essentially only rephrasing hers. I don't remember what I said. I think it had something to do with the fact that it's so difficult for churches and Christians to admit their mistakes. Honestly, I think I don't remember because my mind was racing. It was yet another moment where my anxiety rose as my own experiences where unknowingly invalidated yet again. It was the same response I'd heard so many times before. The response Christians give so often in Evangelical settings because they seem to have this assumption that it's only atheists and skeptics who've claimed to be hurt by believers. They loudly proclaim that people expect too much from them while the spiritually wounded that surround them die a little more inside and continue to reconsider their place in the body of Christ.

When you are hurt, you need to heal. It's not a complicated concept. To refer to that as bitter or resentful is naive, misguided, and extremely short-sighted. Even worse, as Stephanie and many others have pointed out, it's a silencing tactic. It's a tactic that proclaims "We don't know what to deal with your pain and frankly it makes us uncomfortable. So rather than wrestle with what the Christian response should be, we are going to try to shame you into dropping the issue. It's just easier that way. To achieve that, we will use a lot of spiritual words and quote a few Bible verses out of context to try to convince you that we are right."

I understand the importance of forgiveness, but I have trouble accepting that that means you just blindly accept any hurt from others or justify your own mistreatment of people as long as it's done in the name of the Lord. And since when does recognizing that you've been hurt and are in need of healing qualify as bitterness? As long as churches and Christians continue to hide behind declarations of "bitterness" and their own imperfection they will continue to be unable to develop the type of genuine relationships that truly bring healing. Unfortunately, rather than contemplate what that would mean, I'm sure anyone immersed in the world of American Evangelical Culture who is reading this is too preoccupied developing theories as to what could have possibly made me so bitter.

Christian Culture, you need a new argument.

Trying to Scare the Hell Out of Everybody

Have you ever watched someone complete a task purely motivated by fear? There is something so disturbing about it. You see it with small children as they walk on egg shells trying to avoid punishment from their strict parents. You see it happen in movies where one follows the instructions of a bank robber or kidnapper. (In that instance, most viewers usually watch with the understanding that completing the demanded tasks are no guarantee of appeasing the criminal's anger.)

Lately I've been training my dog. I utilize (and am a huge fan of) positive reinforcement training. Rather than holler "NO!" at my pup every time he does something he shouldn't, positive reinforcement training focuses on rewarding him when he does what he should. The two pups in my house are both rescues. They were not treated as beloved pets and family members in the first stages of their lives. They came to us with a bit of baggage.  One in particular was extremely timid and fearful. He spent at least the first week he was with us hiding behind furniture and grumbling at us whenever we got too close. The amazing thing is that positive reinforcement training has helped give him more confidence and decrease his fear. If you catch him doing something wrong, and say "No!" in an angry tone, he will run away from you and hide for at least 10-15 minutes. Contrary to what some may believe, causing your dog to fear you doesn't make him learn to obey any more or more quickly. Time and time again I've seen the opposite. When a dog is encouraged and rewarded, he wants to obey. It is fun for him and helps him bond with his owner. Dogs who are only punished on the other hand, don't necessarily want to be very close to their owners. They tend to hang back in a corner and will often cower when their name is called. Although they may exhibit a level of loyalty towards their owners, the manner in which they regard them could not be described as affectionate.

One of the most disturbing trends I've seen in American Evangelical Culture is trying to scare the Hell out of people, quite literally. They are so focused on getting people "saved" that they seem to think little about what long term effects the manner in which they do so will have.

This whole issue came to mind again today when I saw this video:

A Confession

This year, I'm making a point to attend the Wednesday Lenten prayer services. I don't know if prayer service is the right term, but it's probably the closest. These aren't prayer services in the way most Evangelicals would think of the term. They have a format closer to a regular church service and contain a scripture reading, music, and brief sermon. But their overall focus is to drive you towards prayer and contemplation, providing a period of silence for both. Last night's service was a service of darkness and light, with a candle procession. It was beautiful. But what has stuck with me most was the focus of the sermon the pastor gave.

As I've mentioned, Lent is a season that focuses on forgiveness. It is a time when we seek to forgive and learn what it means to be forgiven. During last night's sermon, the pastor (who is the youth pastor) told the story of a youth camping trip in which one young boy fell behind during the canoe portage as he struggled under the weight of the pack he was carrying. The pastor went back to find him and offered help. The stubborn young man gritted his teeth and stated "I can do it." As he slowly walked with the boy, the pastor asked "What will it take for you to let me help you? What do you have to prove?" He said that at that point he realized that this wasn't just about the pack. It was about all the struggles in this boy's life. It was about being the smallest, being bullied, being overlooked, etc. It was about all the burdens that he carried from the difficulties in his life. The pastor used this as a springboard to exhort the congregation to consider what burdens they are refusing to let go of, even when they are too much to bear.

It really made me think. As with anyone who has been hurt by the church, there are definitely areas in which I struggle to forgive. It's been beneficial to focus on those this Lenten season. (It's one reason I don't give anything up for Lent. I know that I would use the act of giving up sugar or TV to feel as though I was observing the season while I was actually avoiding the difficult act of forgiving those who've hurt me.) But as I started to think about what the larger burdens I carry from my painful exodus from Evangelicalism, I realized that there was one I haven't been acknowledging.

Reading Too Much Into The Weather

Many of you may have seen a video of a girl who appears to be praising God's goodness for the devastation in Japan. I'm not going to repost it here for two reasons. 1. It's everywhere online these days. 2. I have good reason to believe that it is simply a melodramatic satire. But I believe we should find the fact that many people believe it to be genuine (I wasn't certain at first myself) to be troubling. Why would people so quickly believe something so absurd and callous?

I would be willing to argue that it is easier for some to believe that Christians might respond in such a manner because they have indeed seen them behave in such a manner in the past, in both minor and major instances.