I come from a line of strong women. On the maternal side of the family, we are direct descendants of Marie-Anne Lagimodiere. She was a French Canadian woman who bucked the tradition of her day by venturing west with her voyageur husband rather than staying back in the more "civilized" regions of Canada waiting for his return, as most wives did at that time. Due to this, they played a crucial role in establishing many cities and their children were some of the first of European heritage to be born in the western provinces. But I imagine that at the time her decision to go along for the journey was scoffed at and heavily judged because "that's just not what women do." But I think she's pretty amazing for it. When all was said and done her defiance still holds a place in her nation's history, helping it grow into what it is today.
The more I look around, I see so much of that same attitude within certain Christian circles. There is this idea that there's an entire category of things reserved for men, because they are just "not what women do" or that God doesn't want women to do them. As a woman, this has a big impact on me because it boils down to what positions, identities, and societal roles I'm allowed and/or expected to take on.
I know that people can be very defensive on this matter and I'm well aware of the arguments on both sides of the issue. But I can't help but wonder why we are so willing to accept this view that the New Testament verse that instructs women to always cover their head in prayer or worship is a cultural concept that no longer applies, but those that instruct women not teach men and to quietly submit to them are seen as completely valid in this day and age. (Is it because if the head covering instructions were still valid, then the instructions in the same section for men not to have long hair would infringe on the hipster style of a lot of young Evangelical leaders?)
I know this may sound controversial, but I truly believe that the way in which American Evangelical Culture tries to teach gender roles is very capable of creating a sort of identity crisis for females. In many circles, the identities they are allowed to assume are extremely limited. I never knew these sorts of view were still being taught to the degree that they are in some circles until I started encountering them more frequently at Conservative Christian College. (Although I will say that I think there are many others like myself who refuse to abide by these narrow definitions, which is what helped me survive surrounded by them.)
Here are some identities that were consider acceptable and/or actively promoted:
1. Princess
This was a play off the idea that God is king and we are all his sons and daughters. Therefore, all girls are princesses. It was a spiritual way to buy into the Disney hype many of this generation already have in their psyche without having to step on the toes of any Southern Baptists who may still be boycotting Disney. This was a great option for girls who were raised with strict ideas of what roles were allowed to each gender and to those who were anxiously awaiting their prince. The problem is apart from being a "daughter of the King" this role isn't defined. I can't imagine the most godly way to live would be under what our society knows/has known of the role of princesses which didn't amount to much more than a self-indulgent life of idleness and luxury that is often completely dependent upon men. On the flip side, I have never heard any Evangelical leader try to get young men to embrace their identity as a prince. If someone has (especially if you have a link to sermon audio/video/text) I would love to know.
2. Wife in Waiting
This actually closely ties into princess in many ways. I'm not in any way trying to put down the institution of marriage or families. I have nothing against either and in fact support both. But I can't help but think that if you rest the vast majority of your identity in your marital status or children, it's going to create some problems. I saw many girls in college who, with the best of intentions, seemed to constantly be trying to prove what a great wife and/or mother they would be. Some would do so to the point where they were cooking, cleaning, and even doing laundry for guys. When a friend who was going to be an Resident Assistant the following year asked me what advice I would give to her freshman girls, I replied, "No laundry before marriage." We both laughed. But my point was that it creates a very unhealthy relationship that can often lead to girls constantly seeking a boy's approval while he is in a position that easily allows him to take advantage of her. I even knew a guy in college who used to walk around during visitation hours (we'll get to that later) and write on the girls' message boards "Bake me a cake" along with his name and phone number. I was appalled and asked him why he did that. He replied "Because a lot of the time it works. I've gotten a lot of cakes." Some of these girls really thought he would be impressed with them. In actuality, he wasn't even really paying attention. He just wanted some cake.
Apart from that, we should probably consider whether it's worth the tens of thousands of dollars a year that private Christian colleges cost just to try to learn how to be a good wife and/or to find a husband.
3. The Proverbs 31 Woman
This is a often pointed to passage as to what a woman should be. And this is one of the few identities that I actually like, a lot. But I seem to interpret these verses much differently than most I met at CCC. When I hear people talk about this passage, they seem to say it supports the idea of a woman isn't obsessed with outward appearance and takes care of her household and family (i.e. cooks, cleans, and raises kids). But look at these verses. They also talk of an industrious, creative, and hardworking woman. These passages clearly talk of a women who looks into land investments and buys one (no mention of her husband being involved in that deal). They speak of a woman who works on that same land (aka outside of the home) and uses what it produces to make a profit (once again, husband not mentioned in this work). It speaks of a woman who not only makes goods for use in her house, but also makes goods which she in turn goes out into the city to sell. This isn't your happy homemaker who is just waiting for her husband to get home. She sees what needs to be done and does it rather than waiting for her husband to take charge in every single matter. While he is conducting his business, she conducts hers. In the end it says she deserves honor and praise. Why? Because of the work her hands have done. Enough said.
Those are the main ones that come to mind, although I'm sure there are others. Tomorrow I'll discuss some of the negative identities I saw given to women at CCC. This isn't an attempt to vilify men or those who believe strongly in established gender roles. It's just to say that some of us don't and we still seek to follow God. I wanted to talk about the expectations of women in American Evangelical Culture, because they really can put a lot of strain on some women or make others feel like they don't belong in the church at all. How sad.
I'll probably talk some more about this topic as I keep writing, because established gender roles and in some cases indulgence in sexist language/behavior were one major thing that made me feel like a misfit in the Evangelical world. I was always taught growing up that I should never assume I couldn't do something just because I was a girl. (Thank you, Mom and Dad!) Suddenly I was in a world where people were telling me precisely that. Based on some of the articles and videos I've seen being passed around lately on the internet, this idea that we need to put men back in their "rightful role" seems to be gaining some traction with well known church leaders and organizations. (I'll discuss that later as well.) If we believe that women are created in the image of God, with a worth and value all their own, is that reflected in our churches? Do we treat them as such? If you're a woman, do you feel valued as such? I think those are questions worth considering.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Terrible T-Shirt Tuesday: Why Would Jesus Say That To Me? Edition
If you've spent any time in American Evangelical Culture, you've seen a lot of odd, amusing, or groan inducing t-shirts. Which is why today I'm kicking off Terrible T-Shirt Tuesday.
 |
| From c28 |
The basis for this design is part of Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) 8:3, which is printed in small type in the corner of the shirt and reads "love is as strong as death. its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame."
It's unclear where the hurricane metaphor came from or whether this would be a big seller on the Gulf Coast. But by far, the biggest problem I have with this t-shirt is that I can't see it without immediately thinking of this:
Awkward...
Sometimes Answers Aren't Necessary
On Friday, I was called and asked if I was available to come in that evening and cover the front desk at church during a visitation. They wanted to make sure that someone was there to answer the phone, give directions, or answer questions. This was especially important because a large number of people were expected to attend and most were not members of our church. Whose funeral could bring so many people from outside our congregation? That of an 18 year old girl who took her own life.
Funerals are always hard. But when the victim is so young and the cause was so preventable, it's even worse. At the same time, I was thankful that the family was there. We have a head pastor who has also had a child who took her own life. They truly do have someone who can say "I know how you feel." I'm also thankful that we have a congregation that recognizes and tries to remove the stigma of mental illness. This is not always the case in many American Evangelical circles, which is a topic I will address in a later post.
Being in that environment was surreal. As I sat at the front desk, I decided to open the Book of Job. It only seemed appropriate to revisit the story of a man who loses virtually everything. And as I read those words and looked at the gathering of people around me, I realized that the biggest mistake some Christians make during times of loss and grief is trying to provide people with answers.
It really struck me as I was reading the exchanges between Job and his friends after they came to comfort him. The text indicates that when they initially came to support their friend, they sat with him saying nothing. Many of us can relate to that experience and in times of fresh grief I think that's really the only thing you can do. There's a scene in the movie "Lars and the Real Girl" where the main character is facing loss. He comes downstairs to find a bunch of women from his church sitting in his living room they have the following exchange:
I believe that his friends had the best of intentions when they came to sit with him. But as the days went on, they decided it was time to try to find an explanation to such a tragedy. They expressed their belief that God protects his faithful from calamity and that if only Job would look to God, he would be restored. What are the implications of such a claim? That Job hadn't previously been looking to God or that he had somehow betrayed God with his sin. What a hurtful thing to hear from your friends when you've already lost nearly everything.
I've heard similar things happen in some Christian circles. Although "Everything happens for a reason" or "God uses everything for good" may be spoken with the best of intentions, it can come across extremely callous to a parent who is placing their child in a coffin and confronting the death of all the dreams they had for his/her future. On a related note, I would advise any Evangelical to NEVER ask a grieving family member if their loved one "was a Christian/saved" unless they are prepared for the possibility that the answer is "no." Even then, I probably wouldn't recommend it. I know that that question is asked with the intent of reassuring someone with the belief that they are in heaven, but the flip side is inflicting even more pain by reminding them in the midst of such fresh and painful grief that you believe their loved one is now experiencing eternal torment. Unless you think it would be a good idea to walk directly up to someone and say "Your loved one is in hell." (I'm looking at you, Westboro Baptist Church) don't ask grief stricken families if they're loved ones were "saved."
All that to say that many who dwell in Evangelical America spend a lot of time pouring over their Bibles and memorizing verses under the idea that what the world needs is answers. I don't think that's necessarily the case, especially in times of pain. Most of the world has heard your answers. What they may not have experienced is a love that puts others ahead of oneself. I believe that is the true love Christ taught and that living it out would have a much greater impact than simply saying the right thing.
Also, if you or someone you know struggles with depression or mental illness. There is no shame in that. There's no shame in seeking help. It's not indicative of a personal weakness. And regardless of what you may think, many people really would be heartbroken if you were no longer around. I saw that first hand Friday night.
Funerals are always hard. But when the victim is so young and the cause was so preventable, it's even worse. At the same time, I was thankful that the family was there. We have a head pastor who has also had a child who took her own life. They truly do have someone who can say "I know how you feel." I'm also thankful that we have a congregation that recognizes and tries to remove the stigma of mental illness. This is not always the case in many American Evangelical circles, which is a topic I will address in a later post.
Being in that environment was surreal. As I sat at the front desk, I decided to open the Book of Job. It only seemed appropriate to revisit the story of a man who loses virtually everything. And as I read those words and looked at the gathering of people around me, I realized that the biggest mistake some Christians make during times of loss and grief is trying to provide people with answers.
It really struck me as I was reading the exchanges between Job and his friends after they came to comfort him. The text indicates that when they initially came to support their friend, they sat with him saying nothing. Many of us can relate to that experience and in times of fresh grief I think that's really the only thing you can do. There's a scene in the movie "Lars and the Real Girl" where the main character is facing loss. He comes downstairs to find a bunch of women from his church sitting in his living room they have the following exchange:
- Hazel: Well, that's how life is, Lars.
- Mrs. Gruner: Everything at once.
- Sally: We brought casseroles.
- Lars: Thank you. [looks around the sewing circle. The three ladies are knitting and doing needlepoint] Um, is there something I should be doing right now?
- Mrs. Gruner: No, dear. You eat.
- Sally: We came over to sit.
- Hazel: That's what people do when tragedy strikes.
- Sally: They come over, and sit.
I believe that his friends had the best of intentions when they came to sit with him. But as the days went on, they decided it was time to try to find an explanation to such a tragedy. They expressed their belief that God protects his faithful from calamity and that if only Job would look to God, he would be restored. What are the implications of such a claim? That Job hadn't previously been looking to God or that he had somehow betrayed God with his sin. What a hurtful thing to hear from your friends when you've already lost nearly everything.
I've heard similar things happen in some Christian circles. Although "Everything happens for a reason" or "God uses everything for good" may be spoken with the best of intentions, it can come across extremely callous to a parent who is placing their child in a coffin and confronting the death of all the dreams they had for his/her future. On a related note, I would advise any Evangelical to NEVER ask a grieving family member if their loved one "was a Christian/saved" unless they are prepared for the possibility that the answer is "no." Even then, I probably wouldn't recommend it. I know that that question is asked with the intent of reassuring someone with the belief that they are in heaven, but the flip side is inflicting even more pain by reminding them in the midst of such fresh and painful grief that you believe their loved one is now experiencing eternal torment. Unless you think it would be a good idea to walk directly up to someone and say "Your loved one is in hell." (I'm looking at you, Westboro Baptist Church) don't ask grief stricken families if they're loved ones were "saved."
All that to say that many who dwell in Evangelical America spend a lot of time pouring over their Bibles and memorizing verses under the idea that what the world needs is answers. I don't think that's necessarily the case, especially in times of pain. Most of the world has heard your answers. What they may not have experienced is a love that puts others ahead of oneself. I believe that is the true love Christ taught and that living it out would have a much greater impact than simply saying the right thing.
Also, if you or someone you know struggles with depression or mental illness. There is no shame in that. There's no shame in seeking help. It's not indicative of a personal weakness. And regardless of what you may think, many people really would be heartbroken if you were no longer around. I saw that first hand Friday night.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
What Would Jesus Buy Saturday: My Eternal Future's So Bright I've Gotta Wear Shades Edition
Disciple Shades, that is.
As you can see, each pair features a bible verse printed on the inside.
And don't worry. If you're a little less Palm Beach and a little more Barnes & Noble (or should I say a little less spring break outreach and a little more small group Bible study?), they also make Disciple Readers.
But I must congratulate the company on going for the motto "Live in the Light," rather than taking the route of all the obvious and overused Sun/Son puns.
As you can see, each pair features a bible verse printed on the inside.
And don't worry. If you're a little less Palm Beach and a little more Barnes & Noble (or should I say a little less spring break outreach and a little more small group Bible study?), they also make Disciple Readers.
But I must congratulate the company on going for the motto "Live in the Light," rather than taking the route of all the obvious and overused Sun/Son puns.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The Problem of Being "Set Apart"
When I attended Conservative Christian College, I heard a lot of talk about how we were set apart. We were called to be holy in such a dark lost world. Theologically, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you're speaking of being set apart to serve others as an example of God's love, I have no problem with that. The real issue is in the way that being "set apart" has become synonymous with being separated from the rest of the world. The problem is that the idea of being set apart in much of American Evangelicalism has translated into the idea of living completely apart from everyone else. It has translated into a world of Christian consumerism that seeks to provide a "Christian" alternative for all that the secular community offers: music, movies, art, books, t-shirts, candy, etc. You name it, you can probably find a holier version of it through a Christian retailer.
There are many aspects of Christian consumer culture that are worth reconsidering and debating. But I don't want to get into a lengthy analysis of that. The main question that's been on my mind as I continue to see all of these Christian products and think of all the Christians I've met who have such little contact with anyone outside of their own belief system (even simply in other Christian denominations) is, "What are you hoping to accomplish through this?" If the core of Christian theology is the tangible representation of God's love to a lost and hurting world, is it really enough to live in your castle of theological superiority only emerging from time to time for street evangelism to remind the world just how lost they are?
I've been reading through the gospels again lately. And though he definitely took time away both with his core disciples and on his own to pray, I just don't see much evidence of a Jesus who tried to remain untainted by the world. I don't see a God that was fearful of getting his hands dirty. I don't see many examples of Jesus hitting the streets and shouting "Listen up! I'm going to tell you why you are all terrible sinners in need of God!" I see a Christ who shared stories and metaphors that invited people to dig deeper to try to discover the truths they contained and reconsider their view of the world. I see a Lord that was willing to not only talk to, but also listen to those that society had cast aside as essentially being worthless. I see a Jesus who did not view the people around him as projects awaiting his salvation, but humans made in the image of God that had great value.
If anyone from religious circles today that focus so heavily on being set apart were to sit down to dinner with a group of prostitutes, I can assure you that it would likely result in a call from the elders and a listing on the prayer chain with concerns about their backsliding into immorality through association with bad influences. But if you're so concerned with the world being a bad influence on you, how are you hoping to ever be a good influence on them? Which is the greater concern? In our society, has being set apart really been about trying to maintain our holiness? Or is it about avoiding the dirt and filth (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) that comes with building relationships with many of those society has chosen to ignore? Which is the true example of Christ?
There are many aspects of Christian consumer culture that are worth reconsidering and debating. But I don't want to get into a lengthy analysis of that. The main question that's been on my mind as I continue to see all of these Christian products and think of all the Christians I've met who have such little contact with anyone outside of their own belief system (even simply in other Christian denominations) is, "What are you hoping to accomplish through this?" If the core of Christian theology is the tangible representation of God's love to a lost and hurting world, is it really enough to live in your castle of theological superiority only emerging from time to time for street evangelism to remind the world just how lost they are?
I've been reading through the gospels again lately. And though he definitely took time away both with his core disciples and on his own to pray, I just don't see much evidence of a Jesus who tried to remain untainted by the world. I don't see a God that was fearful of getting his hands dirty. I don't see many examples of Jesus hitting the streets and shouting "Listen up! I'm going to tell you why you are all terrible sinners in need of God!" I see a Christ who shared stories and metaphors that invited people to dig deeper to try to discover the truths they contained and reconsider their view of the world. I see a Lord that was willing to not only talk to, but also listen to those that society had cast aside as essentially being worthless. I see a Jesus who did not view the people around him as projects awaiting his salvation, but humans made in the image of God that had great value.
If anyone from religious circles today that focus so heavily on being set apart were to sit down to dinner with a group of prostitutes, I can assure you that it would likely result in a call from the elders and a listing on the prayer chain with concerns about their backsliding into immorality through association with bad influences. But if you're so concerned with the world being a bad influence on you, how are you hoping to ever be a good influence on them? Which is the greater concern? In our society, has being set apart really been about trying to maintain our holiness? Or is it about avoiding the dirt and filth (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual) that comes with building relationships with many of those society has chosen to ignore? Which is the true example of Christ?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Words that Continue to Ring True
In honor of the holiday, I read Martin Luther King, Jr's Letter from Birmingham Jail this morning. This was a letter that was written in response to a statement from a group of clergymen that opposed his methods of civil disobedience. As I read, it struck me that his cry for the church to speak up in the face of injustice or basically be seen as obsolete is still very applicable to many congregations today. Here are a few excerpts that caught my eye:
"So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice or for the extension of justice? In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill three men were crucified. We must never forget that all three were crucified for the same crime---the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thus fell below their environment. The other, Jesus Christ, was an extremist for love, truth and goodness, and thereby rose above his environment. Perhaps the South, the nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists."
"In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard many ministers say: "Those are social issues, with which the gospel has no real concern." And I have watched many churches commit themselves to a completely other worldly religion which makes a strange, on Biblical distinction between body and soul, between the sacred and the secular."
"Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and through fear of being nonconformists."
"So often the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an archdefender of the status quo. Par from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's silent and often even vocal sanction of things as they are."
"But the judgment of God is upon the church as never before. If today's church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century. Every day I meet young people whose disappointment with the church has turned into outright disgust.
Perhaps I have once again been too optimistic. Is organized religion too inextricably bound to the status quo to save our nation and the world? Perhaps I must turn my faith to the inner spiritual church, the church within the church, as the true ecclesia and the hope of the world. But again I am thankful to God that some noble souls from the ranks of organized religion have broken loose from the paralyzing chains of conformity and joined us as active partners in the struggle for freedom."
"One day the South will know that when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters, they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judaeo-Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence."
Interesting thoughts to consider. You can find the full text of the letter here.
"So the question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. Will we be extremists for hate or for love? Will we be extremists for the preservation of injustice or for the extension of justice? In that dramatic scene on Calvary's hill three men were crucified. We must never forget that all three were crucified for the same crime---the crime of extremism. Two were extremists for immorality, and thus fell below their environment. The other, Jesus Christ, was an extremist for love, truth and goodness, and thereby rose above his environment. Perhaps the South, the nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists."
"In the midst of a mighty struggle to rid our nation of racial and economic injustice, I have heard many ministers say: "Those are social issues, with which the gospel has no real concern." And I have watched many churches commit themselves to a completely other worldly religion which makes a strange, on Biblical distinction between body and soul, between the sacred and the secular."
"Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and through fear of being nonconformists."
"So often the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an archdefender of the status quo. Par from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's silent and often even vocal sanction of things as they are."
"But the judgment of God is upon the church as never before. If today's church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church, it will lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions, and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century. Every day I meet young people whose disappointment with the church has turned into outright disgust.
Perhaps I have once again been too optimistic. Is organized religion too inextricably bound to the status quo to save our nation and the world? Perhaps I must turn my faith to the inner spiritual church, the church within the church, as the true ecclesia and the hope of the world. But again I am thankful to God that some noble souls from the ranks of organized religion have broken loose from the paralyzing chains of conformity and joined us as active partners in the struggle for freedom."
"One day the South will know that when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters, they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judaeo-Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence."
Interesting thoughts to consider. You can find the full text of the letter here.
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